The Voice hit our screens on Saturday for its 5th
and (on the BBC anyway) final series.
The line up of judges changes more often than the Sugababes did and this
series is no exception. From left to right
(depending on where you are stood and if they have swung their seats around)
are:
The Stalwart: will.i.am is still hanging on in there hoping
to get his second win.This week he was
dressed in shorts, brogues, ankle socks and a tunic.He looked like a cross between Just William
(or Ju St. will.iam as he would put it) and little Lord Fauntleroy.He acted like it as well.At one point he was swinging on the arms of
the chair like am excitable 7 year old.The rest of the time he was mainly looking at his tablet.I think he was catching up on last week’s Eastenders
on iPlayer.
The Old One: Sir Tom has bowed out and so Boy George has
filled the “icon” chair.He’s sold 50
million records you know.You should
know, he said it often enough.George is
at his best when he is being catty and the claws were out most of the
evening.This boy is not bland.
The Female One: Paloma Faith replaces Rita Ora, who replaced
Kylie who replaced Jessie J (they do have problems keeping their female judges
don’t they?).She is the embodiment of bonkers
in the most lovely way. We learnt that
she hates musical theatre (much to the derision of her fellow judges), which
immediately ruled out three of the better male singers on the show who did show
classics.But she was popular with the
contestants successfully snaring 2 of them for Team Paloma.
The Other One: Ricky “what’s his name from that band that
sung about a riot” replaced Danny “thingy from that band that did that song
that you would know if you herd it on the radio” two series’ ago.I think
they still share the quiff though.He also
presents “Bring the Noise” on Sky 1, which makes The Voice look like Mastermind,
so his transformation from indie rocker to Light Entertainment darling is
nearly complete.Last year he coached
the winner...whose name escapes me at the moment.
The show started with the 4 of then singing 3 different
songs to the same tune (which says something about the nature of pop
music.Plus it meant that the band had
fewer chords to learn).They then
settled into their seats on probably the dullest ride at Alton Towers.At least the teapot rides go all the way
around.These seats only go half way
round and you have to press a button to start them.
Then the singing began.But not a lot of it.The show had
duration of 95 minutes, but only 14 minutes and 33 seconds of that was singing.
Yes I timed it.I like stats all right.It’s not a crime.(That’s 13% of the show if you are interested).But contrary to the title, The Voice isn’t
about singing.It’s about
entertainment.Compared to X Factor,
where you can feel the pressure of the panel calculating whether these people
are good enough to be the Christmas number one and all the financial pressures
that are at stake, The Voice appears to be 4 celebs mucking about in oversized
Thunderbird chairs and having a laugh along the way.It’s not about winning, it’s about taking
part that matters, as the previous 4 winners will tell you...whatever their
names were.
